How To Ruin A Perfectly Good Salesforce in 10 Easy Steps

You know me, I can't resist writing "How To" books. So here's my new one and I expect it to be as lively as my Alpha Male treatise. Full of laughs, full of sex, full of tears. I've been in sales and marketing for a long time -- as a salesman -- not as a sales manager -- and I've always found it fascinating that salespeople are mismanaged so expertly.

We are treated so poorly on such a consistent basis -- you have to wonder if they are consulting a manual on how to destroy a sales team. I've searched high and low for such a diabolical book -- none exists -- so I've decided to write it myself.

To be fair, I've had some terrific sales training, sales managers and worked in great sales organizations. Everything is going along just wonderfully in these hallowed halls of American business and then all of a sudden, they decide to make a few IMPROVEMENTS and that's when it all falls apart.

Appearing here soon: Step 1: Focus Group

Is There Anything You Can't Find On The Web?

I don't even know how I ended up surfing over to this site, but it reminds me again and again of how vast the Web is and how strange. Is there anything you can't find on the web? This is a tour of the Cape Cod Potato Chips factory.

Consumer Confidence Suddenly Soars

Wait a minute, I guess I read that headline a little too quickly. I'm afraid I'm a glass-and-a-half full girl. Just always been that way. I'm in a really good mood today, figure everyone else is too.

Johnny Cash Singing Tennessee Flat Top Box

So sorry to see him go. Here's one of my favorites.

In a little cabaret in a South Texas border town,
Sat a boy and his guitar, and the people came from all around.
And all the girls from there to Austin,
Were slippin' away from home and puttin' jewelery in hock.
To take the trip, to go and listen,
To the little dark-haired boy who played the Tennessee flat top box.

And he would play: (Instrumental.)

Well, he couldn't ride or wrangle, and he never cared to make a dime.
But give him his guitar, and he'd be happy all the time.
And all the girls from nine to ninety,
Were snapping fingers, tapping toes, and begging him: "Don't stop."
And hypnotized and fascinated,
By the little dark-haired boy who played the Tennessee flat top box.

And he would play: (Instrumental.)

Then one day he was gone, and no one ever saw him 'round,
He'd vanished like the breeze, they forgot him in the little town.
But all the girls still dreamed about him.
And hung around the cabaret until the doors were locked.
And then one day on the Hit Parade,
Was a little dark-haired boy who played the Tennessee flat top box.

And he would play: (Instrumental.)

You Better Read This

Michael Wilson blogged being there that day and escaping. It's incredible to read. Even better is the aftermath, the path his life has taken, how he answered the "Get A Life" call, loud and clear.

Now, down below the 30th floor, the firemen were in the individual floors with their pokes, prying apart vending machines to get at something to drink. There were also firemen just dropping bottles of water on the way up the stairs because they were just too damn heavy. Promptly someone would pick them up and offer drinks to the others until the bottle was empty or accepted in it's entirety.

My heart began to sink and I became heavy with guilt as the "rescue workers" (as is now apparently the polite euphemism) went up the stairs to do whatever they possibly could. Not knowing what that even might be. A part of me, a big part of me, wishes I could remember more if not all of those faces. I didn't know it at the time; that they were climbing to their deaths. It was a couple days before I had another thought about that... They may have known full well.

See, I've waited too long to pen this account. But it is only now I can keep my head clear and eyes dry enough to get a significant amount of words out on paper.

In the mid-20s, the flow of firemen became fairly consistent. People stayed to the outside edge of the stairwell by default now as best they could. Descent was extremely slow, taking a couple minutes at each floor. It was here I believe a number of people switched to stairwells. Some advantage seemed apparent to them. I didn't find the going quite that slow, and frankly I wasn't that bothered.

On 22 was where they were all congregating. They were stopping on the way up for a breather, and going up in shifts of 8 or 10. All of them had radios and they were referring to each other by what company they came from. It did me some good to see them resting. They were human after all, and after what I'd seen already, I was beginning to wonder about that.

Please Try To Remember The First of Octember!

This is the Dr. Seuss book we're reading tonight. It's cool. Perfect for today.

Wesley Clark Very Close

AP has a headline tonight that comes awfully close to saying Retired Army Gen. Wesley Clark is IN. I guess it needs to be official, but it sure looks like it's about to happen. Very exciting.

September Honor Roll Winner REPEAT -- Jeneane

Jeneane's right, her honor roll day got preempted with all the 9/11 sad stuff, so I'm giving her another day. She's too good to get lost in the sauce!

Jeneane -- love what you said about giving the old mainstream media this kind of day to cover -- they're best at sensation stories built on tons of old footage, you're right.

Jim Moore on False Gods

Make sure to check this out. Very interesting. And I know you've already read this, right?

It Took Us So Much Longer To Get Back

Wandering through the blogs of Fall 2001, I am struck by many things I'd forgotten. First, just as I had experienced after earthquakes when I lived in LA, it takes a long time to get back to feeling anything like "safe" -- there are so many aftershocks. Reading pages from 9/11, I want to warn the characters in the drama about that crazy autumn they were about to live through and what we all had in store.

About the anthrax craziness. About the weirdly warm, warm, beautiful East Coast weather that kept going on and on, if you remember, just a fluke, until nearly December. I remember it, because my dad fell and broke his hip on December 2 in his driveway, which was not at all cold, icy or difficult to navigate. I remember all of us in my family commenting on that -- how could he slip and fall and hurt himself so badly, when simply shuffling out to get the mail on a very warm December day with a perfectly clean driveway. This fall was the beginning of the end and he left in an ambulance that day, never to be back in his house.

I was at my son's school on September 11th with 5 other moms planning a nature program called "The Big Backyard" where parent volunteers took classes out to study the woods around the school. We were in the cafeteria and we overheard the bilingual cooks getting all crazy about something that had happened in New York. We got a really confusing report in half English and then one of the moms went to the school office to find out the real story. As Bill Seitz said below ... it really was surreal.

The weather was stellar that day. Just beautiful. About a week later there was an equally beautiful day and I remember waking up, looking at the lovely weather, feeling happy for a few nanoseconds and then a rush of fear went through me -- gorgeous September weather and danger had some how bonded in my mind. Autumn leaves and terror all mixed up in my mind.

That year, I remember feeling the fall lasted for about 5 years and then finally it was Christmas. I prayed for winter. Finally it came and you could hide under a blanket of snow and maybe feel safe for a minute. I remember thinking, "We made it to Christmas, Thank God." We really didn't know what was in store next. I felt I gasped in September and only let out my breath towards the end of December.

Some Pages

You might want to revisit this -- two years ago today -- and maybe this, and probably this ... "It's surreal ... like a a mediocre science fiction movie."

September Honor Roll Best Blogger -- Jeneane Sessum @ Allied

Talk about overlooking the obvious! I've known Jeneane so long, it seemed impossible, until I really thought about it, that we had NOT met. But it's true -- we haven't met and that means she's fair game for naming Best Blogger today.

I'll post a bunch of great stuff of hers tomorrow. There's so much to point to and I'm really tired.

Jeneane -- you're the best.

Yes, Chris Pirillo Does Have World's Biggest Penis

He tells us that he has "a penis that stretches from here to the middle of Nebraska, which will remain unwaveringly rigid for 218.3 years," but on further reading ... oh, I get it ... he has the world's biggest spam problem. Don't miss the post.

[Editor's Note: Gretchen, honestly, I have no factual data to support this headline. Trust me. I just could not resist posting it.]

Doc Searls Hosts J-Lo Ben Wedding

Come on Doc -- we know they're getting married at your estate in Santa Barbara -- you don't think we're falling for this Geek Cruise cover-up do you? How dumb do you think we are?!

I've even read the text for the ceremony you drafted, "Now Dearly Beloveds, join me in reminding Ben and Jennifer that marriages are conversations."

Frankfurter Buchmesse

Another fun conference going on in October. Check it out.

Harvard Training Film For BloggerCon Attendees

Okay, it's so UNCOOL to get lost in Harvard Yard. Here's a virtual training film site for you. Please start practicing in advance of BloggerCon. Especially you hicks from New Haven.

BloggerCon Blowout

Okay, let me get this straight. Nearly everyone you've ever heard of in The Blogosphere will be at BloggerCon. Imagine the scene -- Dave Winer, Adam Curry, Rageboy, Joi Ito, Gnome Girl, Mena Trott, Ben Trott, Anil Dash, AKMA (praying for all our sorry souls) and now the politico-bloggers ... whoa ... Dean's man -- Matt Gross, the others soon to fall in line and if that weren't enough ... Glenn Reynolds, Doc Searls, David Weinberger, Joshua Marshall, Scott Rosenberg, Elizabeth Spiers, Jim Moore, Susan Mernit, Brian Weatherson, Patrick Delaney, Kaye Trammell, Scott Heiferman, A.K.M. Adam, Jon Udell. And that's just the beginning of the list ...

Cory Book

Don't miss new excellent super cool A+ Cory book hot off the e-presses and regular presses. Dead-tree version, as he calls it, available for paper and metal currency. How could it be anything but great with Bruce Sterling riding up front in the passenger seat?

I Need $87 Billion For My New Urban Camo Foundation

I forgot to mention. I need $87 Billion for my new Urban Camo Foundation. Or should I say foundations? At a mere $26.99, that means I could get ... well, you do the math ... at least three or four sets. Enough to keep me warm all winter.

BTW, isn't this post pure Rageboy? I just found out he'll be in Boston for BloggerCon on Oct 4-5 so I need the money even sooner. Gotta have the right outfit.

O Big Old Moon O My

I'm still dizzy and giddy over my new eye. My cataract surgery was only two weeks ago and there are still so many amazing things to see.

Last night the moon was either full or almost full and O me O my it's a beautiful thing. It used to look like a smudgy old sugar cookie rolling around up there in the sky, nothing much to look at. But now with my new eye, it shines so bright and silvery up there -- round and pretty like shiny money, all I can say is WOW. I was politely pretending to listen to all these wonderful brilliant folks I met at Harvard last night, but I was most decidedly falling in love with that big old moon way above all their heads.

He has that funny face and now with my new peepers, he is so flirty and funny and cute -- I could have sworn he winked at me.

I Need $87 Billion For Back-To-School Shopping

Please remit. I know I spent $80 Billion in the spring for new sneakers, size 3, two fuzzy polartec jackets, boy's size medium and a new box of Crayola magic markers, but my troops need supplies. Surely another $87 Billion isn't asking too much.

Great Joi Day

It was a lovely day in Boston. Fun to meet up with Joi Ito as he made his way from Geneva to Barcelona to Menorca to Boston and off to points unknown tomorrow. Never enough time to talk or see things or tell stories or anything. I did give him a new rock though, and right in the nick of time, as I understood he LOST his other rock.

We had a nice lunch at Legal Seafoods, then he and I were off to other business to attend to, met back up at The Charles Hotel in Harvard Square with Tom Stewart, the editor of Harvard Business Review. After this it was across Harvard Yard to the law school and The Berkman Center. We ran into John Palfrey outside, who helped us dodge bullets as we arrived way too late for the meeting. Dave Winer wasn't too upset with our tardiness, thank goodness. Others were there to welcome Joi, including Jim Moore, Andrew McLaughlin, Chris Lydon, Andrew Grumet, Tracy Adams, Wendy Koslow, Andrew McLaughlin, Michael Feldman and Diane Cabell. (I'll fix this tomorrow.) Fun discussing BloggerCon -- especially the Day 2/Sunday schedule -- since that day is free and open to all comers.

Joi, as usual, blew my mind with technology -- moblogging as we spoke. There has to be a new type of blogging that you do BEFORE the fact. It's gotten way beyond realtime now.

Glove Girl Between A Rock And A Hard Place

Not sure how to think about this ... you remember the piece I wrote for Harvard Business Review about blogging starring Glove Girl? Well, since they are kinda into paid content over there, I really couldn't post the full text for free on my site ... actually they didn't really come right out and SAY that ... but I know that's the way it goes and I respect their choice.

However, another eager blogger has posted the full text of the piece for all to read today. Do I point to it? Do I point to the paid content over at HBR instead?

Well, I'll leave it all alone, but mention I'll be "Glove Girl" at BloggerCon on October 5th. Check it out.

Lucky Girls

Lucky Girls -- a collection of stories by Nell Freudenberger -- looks good. Can't wait to read it.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

Don't miss these interviews by Christopher Lydon. They are better than radio, better than audio, better than TV, better than newsprint, they need a new name ... maybe Lydonatronics?

She's Not There

You've probably seen a number of interviews with Jennifer Finney Boylan who just wrote the book She's Not There: A Life In Two Genders. Jennifer used to be a man and became a woman. I haven't read it, but it looks like a terrific book.

In a recent interview ... and I can't recall where I saw it and will have to try to dig it up ... maybe ELLE Magazine, she discussed the issue of confidence. She talked about her life before as a man and how most men feel getting dressed and out the door in the morning or to a party -- essentially rather confident no matter how they look, whether fat, thin, handsome, not so handsome, they have a certain amount of entitlement and confidence that she felt women often lacked. The comment haunted me. I know as a woman how true it is. I'm a fairly confident woman, but it's only been in the last few years that I ever felt that way and I still have meltdowns of insecurity or "I look fat, I don't want to go out," or just enough self-doubt to give up on some endeavor.

She has a unique authority as someone who literally WAS a man and is NOW a woman. Honestly, when I think back to my 20's and how lacking in confidence I was ... I can't help wonder what contributions women would make to our world if they could grapple with this early on in their lives. What a waste, to lack confidence and doubt yourself into a true second-class citizenship of settling for less in life.

I Need $87 Billion To End The War Of The Sexes

No one is better prepared to end terror between men and women than me. I have a plan. I know how to execute. I only need $87 billion or so to accomplish my goals. You will all sleep better as a result of my plan. You will stop sleeping alone. You will sleep like a baby with a willing partner who knows how to make you rest at ease. It's the American thing to do. It's a small price to pay. I'm adding PayPal to my site soon to help me accomplish this. No one should sleep alone -- very unhealthy, very risky. It's time we faced this crisis head on.

End of Big PR -- Jeneane Nails It

Jeneane Sessum used to work for Ketchum PR and you better read what she has to say about the PR business. She is so right on:

Even the largest of companies are growing tired of BigPR staffing projects with fresh-out-of-college, inexperienced, lower-level people (that is the only category of PR flacks large agencies can afford to keep only partially billable, you see), yet charging as if they were staffing the project with brain surgeons--or attorneys.

It's common for BigPR to bill out an assistant account executive--which is the administrative assistant of PRville--at $120 to $140 an hour. VP's are billing out at nearly $200 an hour, and SVPs commonly around $250 or more per hour.

You tell me.... Why would anyone pay it in a tight economy when they can get smart, senior level people out on their own for around $100 an hour.

September Honor Roll Winner -- Watkins Best Blogger for Today

We were all waiting, watching, wondering if a professor from Harvard Business School might take the plunge and start a weblog. We wanted to get inside there and learn a few things about business.

Little did we expect to hit such a goldmine.

When Michael Watkins started a weblog, we got an associate professor from Harvard Business School who just happens to be a former associate professor from Harvard 's Kennedy School of Government, who also happens to have a degree in Electrical Engineering and also happens to have a Phd from Harvard in something called Decision Science. But that wasn't enough, he's also did graduate work in law and business. How does he have time to tie his crimson tie so adroitly? With all those credentials, I hope to hell he doesn't know how to cook. I'd really hate his guts then.

He writes about World Events On The Weekdays and I suspect, solves world hunger on the weekends.

He's my September Honor Roll Winner for today -- hell, he might be my winner for the week with that much cranial activity going down.

Thanks to John Palfrey for the link.

BTW, What Happens When You Die?

We've answered most of the big questions. But, btw, what happens when you die? Hasn't anybody figured that out yet? I'd really like to know. Send me a link if you find the answer. Get back to me on that.

I Just Hate That Warren Zevon Died

I wish these kindof things didn't have to happen. So sad. Thank you Instapundit for the links. When someone cool and not so old dies, especially someone creative who takes all their creativity with them, it's just the saddest thing. Makes you start to believe we might ALL go one of these days. And that can't possibly be true, can it?

Harvard Law Hosts Glove Girl

Yes, I'll be presenting Glove Girl at Harvard Law School. She's jumping off the page and into the classroom. Despite the legal issues of having a blogger in your midst, or worse, on your payroll, I still think the underlying problem of having a blogger in your company is the BIG BRAND BATTLE it can ignite. If there's one thing a company doesn't want, it's a brand war between the CEO of Acme and the slightly more cool and famous ACMEGIRL! Brand envy is a terrible thing to witness.

Joi's Rest Cure

Always glad to hear my pal is taking it easy. Hope Menorca was relaxing and restorative. Boston's booming and you'll be busy tomorrow.

Be All That You Can Be

To be or not to be Jean-Louis Gassee hardly seems to matter in the end. So someone tell me, who ends up with the $23 Million -- it's not clear? Dis donc! I think we need a Palm reader to figure out the future here.

Whoops -- Thank God For Lawyers

I stand corrected. That fish is not litigious, possibly delicious however.

"I'm assuming that the 'plaintiff cry of love lost' was actually meant to be plaintive? As in 'sad and mournful' instead of 'a person who brings a case against another in a court of law?' Or do you think that Alpha Mac will sue?

Your amused law-blogger and reader,

Anthony Rickey
http://www.threeyearsofhell.com"

Thanks Anthonny, I mean Antiny, I mean Anthony.

Alpha Mackerel

Alpha Mackerel is talking to pretty girls again over at Rageboy's blog. I know WHO he's talking to. He's talking to Donna Wentworth. He's got his fins all in a flap because she just got married. I guess the fish was trying to woo her -- told her she looked like Laura Dern (which she does) -- but the other guy won out after all.

Alpha Mac asks, in the plaintiff cry of love lost, ("what's he got that I ain't got?!") -- DOES HE HAVE SCALES, THIS GUY? CAN HE BREATHE UNDERWATER?

There Are Places I Remember

Rageboy's Talking Fish is singing "In My LIfe" this morning. There are fish faces I remember, some have gone and some remain.

Speaking of Rageboy -- Just Ask Frank

Back to our hero, Frank Paynter. I picked him as September Honor Roll Winner because he's done some terrific interviews over at Sandhill Trek, his cool blog. In fact, he's probably got the best interviews of Rageboy around so don't miss them. Rumor has it they will both be at BloggerCon.

Glove Girl Stop Bending Over

Boy, you give a guy a plug -- yes, I mentioned in the HBR piece that the CEO of the fictional company really needed to read Rageboy's Gonzo Marketing -- and whattya get? Well, a photoshop kick in the ass, that's what you get. I can't be mad ... per usual it's funny as shit, although I don't know if I like being the butt of the joke, so to speak. The oblique reference to Dave Winer is about BloggerCon where he's asked me to lead a session on business and blogs ... but he can tell you more about that. Yes, I'll be in a pale lemon cocktail dress with green surgical gloves on, isn't that what everyone cool is wearing to BloggerCon?!?

Glove Girl Take Another Bow

Over at Combustible Boy, CB has written a synopsis of the Glove Girl case from Harvard Business Review that I wrote which was mighty kind of him as HBR Online's site does not make the full text available for free, only for fee. I tried to make the attractive blogger (but impossible employee) Glove Girl nothing but trouble and then give my four commentators lots to disagree about. I think they were rather kind to her. I would have fired her ass.

Glove Girl Take A Bow

A number of folks have read the Harvard Business Review piece I penned and have commented on it. Over at MBA Experience, you might like to read this about the "hack fiction" I wrote. :) I think there's a lot good here written by Mr. MBA Experience, aka Martin Lloyd who's getting an MBA at Oxford.

So I Found $50 Cash At Target Yesterday

And as I mentioned, it was all folded up like it had been in a kid's pocket and they had left it on the shelf while they were trying on winter boots. Yes, we're already buying winter boots here in Boston for our kids. If you're smart, you get them early. They get bought up so fast around here, if you don't get them soon, by October you won't be able to find any.

So my son and I looked at the money and he said, "What do we do Mom?"

And I said, "Well, it's not ours, that's for sure."

I could see video game titles were already flashing across his mind, as well as a million other worthwhile projects he could spent fifty bucks on.

"So," I said, "We give it to her and tell her we found it."

I pointed to the Target saleswoman down the aisle.

He looked a little deflated.

"But she'll probably just keep it," he protested.

"Maybe," I said, "But maybe some kid like you and his mom will come to her and say they lost fifty bucks in the boot aisle and then they'll get it back."

"I guess so," he said.

"How would you feel if you were that kid -- maybe it's his allowance and he saved it to spend on Legos and his mom made him stop and try on boots first and he put it down there by accident," I said.

"I guess so," he said. "I'd feel really really good if I got it back."

"Yup," I said. So we took it over to the saleswoman who looked mightily surprised to have a customer hand her fifty bucks, but also happy to know people still do such things.