Monday, March 06, 2006

In My Heart

In the mornings I like to do yoga. On my yoga DVD, the last 10 minutes or so is a quiet, meditative time to feel what's in your heart, what's on your mind, a bit of a spiritual housecleaning time of sorts.

And this morning, it came up easily and sadly, that I'm thinking of Joey DeVilla losing his dad last week. So my heart goes out to him and his wife, Wendy Koslow, who is our Editor-in-Chief at Top Ten Sources.

It surely brought up the loss of my dad, and reminded me of different blog posts I'd written at that time trying to understand the whole event.

You really can't get around the fact that one day you had a father and then next day, you don't. It's just so hard to understand how people just ... go ... leave ... disappear. And you have weeks and weeks of those moments where you turn towards the phone to call them, pick up the receiver, stop dead in your tracks, ... even then, you stop using phrases like "dead in your tracks" casually. You know in that moment THEY are dead and you are left behind.

You sometimes want to say, "Hey, wait ... I need to talk to you ... don't go. Don't leave so soon."

And those moments follow you for years, when you have children and want to share a moment about them with your parent, but he or she is just plain gone. It hurts.

It just takes a lot of getting used to. A lot.

So today, Joey and Wendy, I hold you close in my heart and want to tell you to take the time it takes and know it takes a lot.

It takes a long, long time.