Wednesday, June 15, 2005

I Need A God-Box

You know there's a lot of great technology around -- hand-held devices that keep track of your calendar, let you get email and text wirelessly, do all sorts of lovely things -- but they really aren't tackling the big technology challenges. They don't see the big picture.

I want technologies that have some TEETH and can really kick ass, for goodness sakes.

I need a God-Box!

My mobile wireless God-Box would have some life-changing features and work a bit like a videogame controller. It would turn an out-of-control world into a veritable paradise.

For instance, I have a big deadline on Friday and here it is Wednesday, I could dial up EXTRA DAYS on my God-Box and put a Wednesday-1, Wednesday-2, and a Wednesday-3 -- three full days between today and Thursday. Now that's technology I'd get excited about -- changing time and space.

Also, for us idiots who live on the East Coast, we are always suffering through too hot or too cold weather. My God-Box would have a WEATHER CHANGER feature and I could change this crappy 90 degrees and 100% humidity to a reasonable, sunny 70 degrees with a workable 32% humidity. Just type in the numbers and you've got it.

The God-Box would have a full set of relationship-management features. It would, of course, locate and acquire perfect mates on a continuous basis. Or, if you had a mate, it would give you full MUTE feature, together with FULL FREEZE FRAME when your mate started to get cranky or decided to start nagging you about something.

It would certainly give new meaning to the plea, "Honey, can we talk about this later?" You could freeze your mate and leave them standing there in the den, as you went about a pleasant Saturday, getting in that golf game, or going shopping and then joining them later in the evening when you felt ready to unfreeze them.

Yes, I've decided the God-Box is the next big thing. The ultimate videogaming platform. Now to find some of those narrow-focused venture capitalist and convince them to expand their vision, and then fork over some dough. I only need a few million dollars to build the thing.