Upgrade = Downgrade Per Usual

I was trying to use my Windows Media Player yesterday with some new CD's a friend sent me. They were playing but the volume didn't see quite right. If I set the computer's volume at the top level, it wasn't very loud at all and if I set it at 1/2 -- right in the middle of the guage -- it was mute. Another friend asked me what version I was running of WMP -- I checked to find 8.0. Apparently 9.0 and up are the most recent.

He suggested I do the Windows Upgrade. I hesitated. Everytime I upgrade, something completely screws up and that new problem proves nearly impossible to fix and results in either a completely NON-working computer, or some totally screwed up application. In my mind there is absolutely NO correlation between the words "upgrade" and "positive" -- it's always a negative result.

I try to keep an open mind.

I decided to risk it. I ran the upgrade thing and it told me there were 6 applications that needed updates. It also told me some COMPLETELY INDECIPHERABLE TECHNICAL-MARKETING-BLAH-BLAH thing about needing the "Exclusive Service Package" and of course that this must be done first.

I had no idea (NOR WANTED TO KNOW) what the hell their Exclusive Service Package (or whatever the obscure language was) did or why I needed it. Also the word "exclusive" was confusing to me -- what's exclusive about it -- do I have to pay for it? Is it exclusive to only certain customers? What the hell is "exclusive service" -- an 800 number with a non-Bangalorean person on the other end?

It also had that anti-customer tone of "you know you have to do this before you do that, of course" except I had no idea WHAT applications were being upgraded (there was a spagetti pile of words I couldn't make heads nor tails of) and why I might have to do one first or not. Shouldn't the software guys who are so keen on these being done in some order, SIMPLY DO THEM IN ORDER, ALL ON THEIR OWN. Why are they asking me to do that? Oh, yeah, I forgot, because I'm a PhD in Computer Science with nothing to do for the next 5 hours -- NOT!!!!!

I "nexted" through it and started the download which took a long time.

When it was done, I thought, "Great, I can go back and listen to my music LOUD."

Of course, you can forget any notion of instant software gratification -- or upgraded applications that actually work after you download them.

It had to do some sort of post-install thing.

Okay, I let it do that.

Then it had to restart itself.

Well, when it was done with that -- there was a big error message about how my Windows Media Player w/Yamaha speakers wasn't working.

I checked the new version -- to find it had NOT upgraded from 8.0 to 9.0 -- the whole frigging point of the wild goose chase -- and now it had disabled my speakers and I could hear NO MUSIC.

Well, at least it's nice to know you can count on some things in this world -- NEVER EVER EVER BOTHER TO UPGRADE. The word "upgrade" is an illusion.

Upgrade actually means downgrade.

The final step of my upgrade process involves removing the CD from the computer, walking across the room and putting it in the Sony CD Player. Voila! It works!