500 Degrees Below Zero

A friend who used to live here in Boston and moved south to that tropical paradise, Philadephia, sent this along today:

NEW ENGLAND TEMPERATURES

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in New England plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in New England sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in New England drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.

20 above zero:
NYers don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in New England have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero:
People in Miami all die...
New Englanders close the windows.

10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in New England get out their winter coats.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Boy Scouts in New England put on long pants.

40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
New Englanders get frustrated because they can't "staht the kah".

460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale).
People in New England start saying..."Cold 'nufffor ya?"

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Red Sox win World Series.