Eyes On The Prize

The notion of keeping your "eyes on the prize" is about setting a big goal and not losing sight of that goal despite the many winds and storms that blow through your life. The words are probably best known these days as the title to a documentary on Civil Rights and express the idea that once the movement was focused on goal of freedom for people of color, they knew they had to dig in, keep that goal in mind -- keep their "eyes on the prize" and not let anything throw them off their path.

Here's some background on the series. And here's a class curriculum a teacher developed to teach his class about the series. He quotes from the "traditional civil rights song" where the phrase comes from. It's a powerful idea:

I know one thing we did right
Was the day we started to fight.
Keep your eyes on the prize
Hold on, hold on

Today I want to think about what really matters. I want to think what my goals for my life are in the next five to ten years. I want to set those goals and keep them in mind in all the small things I do today. What I do today will decide what I do in 2009 and 2014. Feel free to play along with me.

Write down how old you'll be in 2014.

Write down the town you want to be living in 2014.

Write down who you want to be living with in 2014. (If you want to be married or have a partner, but don't know that person by name yet, try writing "I'll be living with someone who cherishes me and wants the best for me." If you want kids, make up some names, first thing that jumps into your head.)

Write down what you want more than anything by 2014. (You might want a college degree. You might want a house. You might want good health. You might want to have published a book. You might want to be the CEO of a company. You might want to have a job that's fun and easy and connects you to people you love to see everyday. You might want to retire with a lot of money in the bank.)

Don't write anything else. Reread what you wrote.

Think about your goals. Living with people who love you will make you much healthier and happier. Living with as many friends and as much family as possible actually makes you the most healthy and safe. This will have a lot to do with WHERE you live. If you've made a committment to a certain town or location, the more you invest in that place, the richer your life will be. I've moved a bunch and I know this. You may not like where you live and if so, then you need to make a decision to move soon. You need to start investing your next 10 years in a place you like, because the investment will pay off.

Are you living with someone who loves you? This is a big deal. If you're living with no one and you want to live with someone, you'll start changing that TODAY. If you're living with someone who doesn't love you enough, or doesn't like you at all, you need to start changing that THIS MINUTE. You don't have to make a radical change. The only radical change you need to make this minute is to FACE the fact that you are not being loved properly. Give yourself permission to think this. A good way to think about this and change this is to see a therapist. If you've never done that, try it.

Talk to your best friend about these goals today. Call them up, set a date to talk about this. Help them think about their goals. Eyes on the prize.

If your goal is to be married and own your own house, you're going to think about what you do EVERY DAY that gets you closer to this or further away from this. Maybe you make choices that keep you away from meeting new people. You have to change that. You might hate parties and going out. Unfortunately, you'll have a higher likelihood of meeting a new person OUT of the house and so you'll have to try going out more, not turning down invitations, not saying no to stupid stuff you usually turn down like company parties, ballroom dance lessons, going camping, all the odd events you figure you'd NEVER do in a million years.

And you want to own a house, so you have to think about what you can do today to get closer to that goal. It might be setting up a savings account. It might be NOT spending $3.50 on a cafe latte. It might be finding out about getting a real estate license. It could be a lot of things that get you closer. How many things are you really doing towards the goals you say are important? Ask your friend to help you think through it. If you're doing nothing towards the goal, you need to sit yourself down and figure out why you're sabotaging your own efforts. Maybe you don't really care about this goal and need to admit it.

If you have your two goals in mind and something happens in your day --- you're living in New York (and loving it) and your boss calls you in to talk about a great opening in Texas -- you keep your eyes on the prize and know that this isn't for you, never will be and so you waste no emotional energy or time thinking about something that's OFF your path.

Say you have a goal to get married and your former girlfriend or boyfriend calls you up because they've just broken up with someone and they're lonely -- they try to talk you into going out with them -- and you know it will be FUN and you know it might even be kindof SEXY but you also have to admit it will get you away from the goal of getting married, not closer, because you KNOW you don't want to marry them and they don't want to marry you -- so you don't waste any time on it. Eyes on the prize -- you're thinking every day, does this get me closer?

They're thinking of getting you into bed tonight so they don't feel lonely. You're thinking 2014. You don't slip into "kindof sortof yeah sure okay" going out with them. You tell them you're busy. You take the time and energy and put it into something else that gets you closer -- you don't have to call ten new people on an online dating service -- you might go to the library or a book store and check out books on relationships. This is better than spending the night with your ex. And if you see someone nice at the library or book store, ask them a question -- talk to them -- ask them anything. Tell them your watch is broken, ask them if they have the right time. Anything will do. Don't expect it to go further. Just do it so you can come home and think, "Hey, I did something great today! I didn't fall for the old boyfriend/girlfriend. I went to the book store. I talked to that cute person ahead of me in line at the cash register." That's a good day's work.

Eyes ... on ... the ... prize. Have a fun day.