I Really Didn't Do What I Can't Tell You I Didn't Do

Prince Charles needs to do a lot more wild stuff if he's going to get blamed for everything anyway. Doesn't he know that?

I think we need to give him a top ten list of really bad rumors of things he hasn't done, but people think he might have done, but we know he didn't really do and if we mentioned them, we might get sued, so we won't mention them or maybe we will after we explain that he never did any of these things.

1. Prince Charles really didn't pinch his nanny on the ass.

2. Prince Charles really didn't make George Bush pay him $87 billion for a blow job and a visit to Buckingham Palace next week.

3. Prince Charles really never ever wished he were a Tampax brand tampon.

4. Prince Charles really didn't want to play Nancy Reagan in the "The Reagans" and then when they turned him down, had a tantrum and broke three vases in the observatory with a lead pipe.

5. Prince Charles really didn't offer to be guest editor next week on Erosblog.

6. Prince Charles really, really didn't beg J.K. Rowling to read him Harry Potter in bed while he cuddled with his blankie.

7. Prince Charles really doesn't wear a camo thong under his fishing waders.

8. Prince Charles really isn't French. I think.

9. Prince Charles really isn't John Cleese, famed Monty Python cross-dressing British actor.

10. Prince Charles really doesn't need a new public relations consultant.