Thursday, April 17, 2003

How To Become An Alpha Male -- Lesson 14: All About Size

This morning on the web we are served up a very well-designed, visually appealing site called The Penis Blog Project. Even if it did not feature 25 lovely pictures of erect penises, it happens to have terrific graphic simplicity, good colors, nice fonts and a bit of tongue-in-cheek (or tongue somewhere, not sure where ...) text that make it an attractive site. It has a nice conceit -- match the penises to the bloggers, that is, the writers of daily online diaries who were courageous enough to post their penises in all their glory. The author of the site says he's interested in how we reveal ourselves on the web, and particularly in blogs. Weblogs seem both the perfect medium for exhibitionism on many levels and also the perfect medium for creating connections. It's clear that the community of bloggers on this site probably know one another rather well. And I don't think I'm going out on a limb to suggest that the bloggers on this site are most likely a collection of homosexual, not heterosexual bloggers. Not only did I love looking at their penises, being a woman who has long appreciated a nice erect penis, but I also felt turned on to learn about a whole new community of bloggers and peek into their private and public and pubic world. (Stole that joke from the author of the site who already punned on pub(l)ic on the home page.)

But I guess there is a point to my rambling here. First, why are we flooded with so many naked pictures of women and find so little in the way of equally lovely pictures of male anatomy? And as for heterosexual male photos, yes, there are videos with rather explicit action shots, but simple beautiful still pictures of straight men -- prove me wrong, show me that gallery. Maybe this is the real dirty little secret of alpha malehood. For all the jockeying for position and mega-aggressive sports behavior, for all the competition at work for heirarchy and position, for all the competition to get the best looking babe and even after the many times men are accused of playing "my dick is bigger than your dick" -- is it the case that most men do not want to compare their actual dick to the next guy's dick and avoid it at all costs? What gives? Do straight men feel their penises are not ready for the light of day? Do they think they don't look good? Do they feel insecure that they don't look as good as the next guy? At least in American culture, I wonder if we are ALL not a little ashamed of our genitals. I recall a gynecologist looking rather dropped-jawed at me when I asked about my labia, vagina, clitoris, "Do I look normal? Is everything down there all right?" She answered in the affirmative and quickly left the subject, but I realized in my usual way of speaking a drop dead honest statement much to everyone's shock and dismay, that many women probably feel the same way I do. Until recently you never saw a lot of naked pussies to compare yours too -- even growing up in a family of 3 sisters I wasn't looking at such things with much scrutiny once it started to really matter, say ... in my teen years. Sure we ran around half naked as young kids, but once you start to really mature and want to check out how you compared with others, those others weren't exactly available for perusal for the most part. From conversations with male friends, I know this may be more true than false. Of course, my naive fantasy of the availablility of men's penises for viewing in the men's room -- always kindof turned me on -- turns out to be completely inaccurate and I've been well informed that taking a leak is all about NOT showing your stuff. Still, can I say, thanks to a few stone hard Greek statues and a few real flesh-and-blood men I've been lucky enough to KNOW well, the male member is a beautiful thing, flaccid or erect, it's time to give it the credit it deserves.

Clicking through the gallery of penises, it's easy to start comparing them, just as men will tend to do when clicking through a gallery of naked women's lovely round bosoms. And you notice differences. Shape, texture, width, tilt and of course, size. Much has been said about the size of a penis. Looking at the gallery on this site, I couldn't help feeling like a woman about it. It IS about size -- the size of the guy's heart who happens to own that penis. It's about the size of everything attached to that penis. The size of his kindness ... and big big kindness matters. The size of the time he carves out of his life for you ... and all of us find it harder and harder to drop everything and give a nice big full morning, afternoon or evening to the ones we love. The size of his laughter. The size of his eyes. The way they look at you, across a larged-sized room. The size of his courage. And of course, the size of his car and the size of his wallet.

No, wait, I'm kidding! I'm just kidding! But I could hear you Alpha Males thinking, that's what women are really after. But it's not true. We're not trying to get your wallet out of your jeans -- we're just trying to get YOU out of your jeans. We KNOW how good you look.