A Lexicon of Snow

A new friend emails me with lovely snow news. Brian tells me about his term "whisper snow" and listen to what he says. [Needless to say, I could kill him, as he's now claimed the best snow name so far.]

> > Still snowing up here on the North Shore as well,
> > although it sounds a
> > damn sight prettier than it does downtown.
> > Up here we have what I'd call "whisper snow" since
> > that's the sound it
> > makes falling through the already snow-encrusted
> > trees. This stuff is
> > so tiny you can't see it, just feel its caress as it
> > falls past.

He suggests I just go ahead and write a full LEXICON OF SNOW, this after mentioning that we can probably expect a solid four (Oh no! Say it ain't so!) more months of snow. Brian, you're just trying to scare me and it's working!!! I guess I'll just have to give these Inuits a run for their money. Here's the list so far:

Boa Snow -- Very dry snow with the light and fluffy texture of a feather boa. Sexy and frothy, but dangerously chilly around your neck. While feather boas are best worn with no additional clothing, this snow is not.

Madison Avenue Slush Snow -- As defined below, this diabolical snow, native to New York, is a mixture of 1/2 snow, 1/2 water and 1/2 filthy city dirt. When you're at the corner of Madison and 92nd, you step off into what looks like a grey milkshake of 1" depth, but it's above your ankle before you can escape the excruciatingly icy cold, dirty water soaking your socks. [Brian adds that when you take off your sock, the blue dye in your sock has stained your shrivelled foot an alarming color and you will be tempted to rush to the nearest emergency room with self-diagnosed frostbite.]

Mink Coat Snow -- Slightly damp snow with great velvety, clinging ability. This snow coats the trees like fur coats but does not keep anyone warm.

Shellac Snow -- Start with a heavy, slightly wet snow, then season with a wickedly cold night to create a crunchy plastic layer on top of thick ice. Sheer hell to remove from a car. Plan on being at least a half-hour late to work on shellac snow morningsOn second thought, to hell with work. Go back to bed and take that neighbor with you, the one making lackluster attempts to dig out his/her car while giving you sideways glances in your Dr. Zhivago hat.

Sod Snow -- Much fun for the kids, this is a heavy wet snow, perfect for rolling your own snowman. You can roll up big swaths of it off your lawn, it leaves the green grass showing, as it sucks up everything in its path. Achtung, baby, as trying to move or lift these heavy wet sod snow boulders can result in an instant hernia.

Whisper Snow -- Per Brian, snow so stealthy, the sound it makes falling through the already snow-encrusted trees is nearly imperceptible. This stuff is so tiny you can't see it, just feel its caress as it falls past.