Saturday, January 11, 2003

How To Become An Alpha Male: Lesson 5: Confidence Game

One of the unforeseen pleasures of writing this series of 18 chapters on Alpha Malehood is the barrage of email I'm getting full of Alpha Male inside info, not to mention guys just walking up to me to tell me their Alpha Male secrets. First, of course, they tell me that no woman should know as much as I do about Alpha Males and I will piss a lot of guys off if I act like a know-it-all on the subject. I instantly explain that in fact, I know nothing, and make no claims to giving advice, but simply have very good sources -- a cadre of "deep throat" type informants -- who know the knowledge needs to get out. They seem all right with this. Then, after telling me that they should NOT divulge their secrets about Alpha Males, they come around some how or another, to sharing another wickedly delightful insight with me. So let me just say, this is much appreciated and please feel free to keep me in on the game.

After taking a few days off to collect my thoughts and try to pick out the next most important subject, I've hit on the subject of confidence. If there is one thing they have in spades, it's sheer, unmitigated, unflappable, nearly arrogant, but simply deliciously masculine Confidence. And they know how to use it. And they know it works. And they know it is an incredible turn-on.

A new friend on email mentioned how many salesmen are Alpha Males and this got me thinking as well. Something they teach you in sales is to "assume the sale." This is especially important with women. Assume she wants to kiss you. Assume she wants to fuck you. Assume you will eventually wear down her high morals and you will get her into bed one of these days. Good salemen assume the sale. They don't have time to doubt their success. They have rock hard confidence. My emailer complained that many of them are so arrogant that surely this did not attract women, but rather women found it replusive. Well, yes, some are just too full of themselves, but even those win more often than they lose.

Confidence is very attractive. It's even amusing. It makes you grin to watch some of these guys. Here's how the really good ones operate. Like all true artists they know that nothing is as successful as mixing extremes. They mix up the big boy slightly-arrogant confidence with surprising bursts of charming little boy shyness and "whoops, I blew it" contriteness. This gets the girl every time, though I think it mostly works because it leaves women completely confused and disarmed. Once you get a woman that off balance, if you have confidence and have assumed the sale all along, you make short work of your prey.

Being confident is incredibly sexy. Being confident is incredibly powerful. Being confident is essentially "efficient" -- it just makes everyone go along with you and saves you time. Don't bother spending a minute doubting yourself. What the hell is that about? There are enough enemies, critics, naysayers and pessimists all around you to take care of doubting you. Why the hell would you waste time doubting YOU TOO? Again, I preach to the converted. You guys know this.

The world is a pretty frightening place. Somehow or other, we get up in the morning believing we can manage to make it through the day. These days there's ample evidence against that notion. This is what's wonderful about men -- they challenge this world view with sheer testosterone and after-shave. They have courage. They have balls. They straighten their ties and get on with it. What Alpha Males know is that everyone needs to feel confidence and that it begins with them. They know their confidence is a gift. They share it with others. It makes it a much better world to live in. It's a confidence game.