Community Chest or Chance?

Been reading Clay Shirky on community and reading others, like Tom Matrullo's, thoughtful responses to his interesting essay. I can't help thinking about a technology conference I attended in 1998 where a room of about 100 internet luminaries (all men) and five of us women (all women) were discussing ecommerce and shopping. After about 25 boring and infuriating minutes of the conversation where the men went on and on about shopping, and consistently ignored or belittled anything the women had to say on the subject, three of us women sought refuge in the ladies room.

None of us knew one another, but there was instant community. Behind closed doors, we exchanged glances, no words. I rolled my eyes into the back of my head, to say THESE MEN SURE KNOW A LOT ABOUT SHOPPING -- READ: ZERO. None of us spoke, but there was instant communication. We all started to laugh, the laugh said NOTICE THEY DIDN'T HONOR OR RESPECT ONE WOMAN'S OPINION ON SHOPPING, DURING THE WHOLE DISCUSSION. We shook our heads, saying wordlessly WHY BOTHER?! Lipstick applied, we returned to the "conversation."

I've rarely seen any man participate equally in a community. I've seen men jockey for position to lead a community. I've seen men get off on creating an audience and coercing that audience into "sharing" and lauding to his brilliant opinion. I've seen men use a community to compete for the attention and resources of its members to improve his status. I've seen many men use ad hominem arguments to undermine and destroy their fellow "community" members. If a community is defined by the notion that putting the needs of all its members first and individuals second is fundamental, the premise that men know anything at all about communities is questionable.

Surely you've witnessed the way women, often complete strangers, gather at a party in the kitchen or in the backyard and make instant alliances bridging age, class, political leanings. That's community. The only man I've ever heard speak or write on this subject with any insight is John Perry Barlow -- graced with three daughters, an ex-wife and a few zillion girlfriends -- he has a solid understanding of the community of women and considers us lethally subversive. I take it back, two other men write about this iceberg subject in an insightful way ... Michael Moore and Tom Peters.