No Heart Attacks Please

They say Monday morning at 9:00am is the time most heart attacks occur, so TAKE IT EASY. In fact, if you're at work, I'm giving you special permission today to do NOTHING. Most people try to do everything on Monday. The most productive and powerful thing you can do on Monday is to do nothing. It's very Zen.

There are, however, three things you should do today.

1. If you're at home, put on loud music to dance and celebrate the fact that you DID NOT have a heart attack. Do this at 10:00am. You made it, you're alive. If you're at work, go hide in the bathroom and play air guitar and celebrate as well.

2. Imagine your biggest rival or most hated person at work (or home) with a wide spectrum of bird poop on them today. When you meet them in the hall, think, "seagull" and imagine a nice plop of seagull shit on them. Later, at lunch, think "pigeons" and I mean a flock. Towards the end of the day, feel free to conjure up something from Hitchcock's The Birds, true aviary terrorism, complete with Tippi Hedren. This should keep your spirits up all day.

3. Draw doodles of your gravestone with your name, the name of your current job and company on it — how's it sound? Maybe it's time for a change.