Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The Cell Phone Death Spiral of Complexity

In case you missed it, The New Yorker answers that nagging question, "Are cell phones getting a little too complicated?
"Congratulations on choosing your new Type A-30 / Type A-31 / Type Q-2 / Type Q-3 / Type AQ-1 / Type AQ-2 / Type AQ-2.5 / Type AQ-2000 (Type AQ-2000 is discontinued) handheld portable unit.

To operate in Cell Phone mode, see pp. 10-14. An unfamiliar voice will answer when you place your first call. A non-refundable fifty-dollar surcharge will appear on your monthly bill if you press END before hearing the complete message.

To operate in Camera mode, see pp. 15-19 or press any green key.

To operate in 3-D Cam, Spy-Cam, or Sky-Cam mode, turn the Microsoft Snoop-Cam function (on thumbwheel below viewfinder) to ON/OFF. If your unit is not a Type AQ-1, you will need a fifty-foot KordPak (see Accessories, pp. 520-608) to prevent reverse power surgeback.

Never leave your unit in a freezer, convection oven, or cyclotron unless the Cell Phone function is set to END CHARGING (U symbol; Ü symbol on German-language units).

The default setting for the Entertainment function is Adults Only. To switch to Mature, XXX, or Taboo, gently slap unit until the function you have chosen appears. Your credit card is not required at this time.