Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Ten Reasons Women Aren't Sleeping In The Nude

I'm only guessing here, but with this disturbing ratio (Men 31% and Women 14% sleep in the nude) per the ABC News Sex Survey I have to figure this mystery out.

I mean, someone is selling a LOT OF PYJAMAS!

And I have heard so many men groan and moan about their wives clad in flannel PJ's, even these sexy ones.

But this is probably a very American statistic. Really, folks, we are NOT comfortable with our bodies.

Okay so here are my guesses girls, based on no scientific data whatsoever:

1. A lot of us are overweight and think we look like hell naked. (Girls, I hate to admit this, but a lot of us think this way, don't we?!?) Even if we look good, we don't think we look good.

2. Maybe we don't sleep in the nude because we're wearing something like this -- how bad can it be? Pretty good reason not to be nude.

3. Maybe they only polled houses in Ohio. (Oh, hell, am I gonna get a lot of hate email from nudists in Cleveland).

3. If we're moms, we know with a loud noise in the night, a little thunder, a wet bed or whatever, there's every reason to believe one or more kids will come climbing into our beds in the middle of the night and it's probably better to have pj's on.

4. We don't want to be that naked idiot on the news, sporting a blanket, if there's an earthquake, fire or other natural disaster in the middle of the night.

5. We sleep with other folks around who would freak to see us naked -- parents, fellow college students, drop-in out-of-work brothers on the couch in the livingroom, you name it.

6. The statistics are off because ... we might spend a lot of time naked in bed, but when it comes to actual "sleeping", we throw our old UCLA tee shirt on, grab our teddy bear and can only get cozy that way.

7. If we sleep naked with our beau, boyfriend, lover or husband, they would never stop trying to get one last touch, squeeze, stroke or rub of various available parts of our curvy bodies -- and you'd never get a bit of sleep. Can't you just hear them blaming it on us, "You can't lie around looking like that and not expect me to touch you!"

8. You feel so ... NAKED ... when you're a naked woman. It's hard to keep your own hands off yourself sometimes.

9. Our arms get cold. (This happens to be my real excuse, often as not.)

10. Sleeping in the nude ... it's just too ... Swedish. We're Puritans, don't forget!